2.14.14

Michael: “If I judged men’s figure skating I would give points for the most catchy music and the least flashy outfits. There would be a point deduction for every piece of glitter on their body.”

2.6.14

Michael: What are my thoughts on Nascar? It’s an opportunity to sit down every Sunday and watch, for 4 hours, everything that is right with America unfold before my very eyes, in a pure vision of beauty, speed, and sound.
Amy: When you say beauty are you referring to Kasey?
Michael: No. Kasey shaves his legs.
Amy: Can I put that on Facebook?
Michael: Yes. More people need to know this. Nascar is the embodiment of pleasure.

1.9.14

Amy: “Michael, there’s more to cooking than putting cheese on your food and saying Italian words.”

Michael: “What? All it takes to cook is throwing food on a plate and saying ‘Opa!'”

1.7.14

Michael: “I really don’t like Willy Wonka. He’s a guy with a stupid hair cut and a creepy smile and I just don’t like him.”

1.5.14

Rebecca: “After 30, it’s not worth living.”

Great Aunt Laurel: “Excuse me? I’d be dead twice by now. I’d come back and haunt you.”

Rebecca: “Well, not if you’re really sick.”

Aunt Laurel: “Okay, fine. If I’m really sick, you have permission to shoot me.”

1.3.14

Michael: “Pessimism is okay as long as it’s funny. Actually everything is okay as long as it’s funny.”

1.1.14

Michael: “Ugh. It’s such a drag to be on Facebook on New Year’s Eve.”

Rebecca: “Why?”

Michael: “Well, it’s only stuff like, ‘I’ve had such a blessed year’ and stuff like that.”

12.31.13 part 2

This is a followup to the previous post.

Amy: “You know, not every superhero has to have a catch phrase.”

Michael: “Yes, they do.”

Amy: “Okay. What’s Mr. Incredible’s catch phrase?”

Michael: “Look out. I’m fat!”

12.31.13

Michael: “I’m Hawk Boy!”

Amy: “What are your powers?”

Michael: “Hawking around. I hawk my prey. My catch phrase is ‘Happy Hawkukah.'”

12.27.13

Michael: “I would dress like Arnold Palmer every day if I could. It’s just a really nice way of dressing.”